


in the middle

by Turtle5



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is an idiot, M/M, Sad John, but hamliza and lams, but it will get better, but john still loves him, eliza is amazing, really sad in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29541528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turtle5/pseuds/Turtle5
Summary: Alex has liked Eliza since the beginning of junior year.During the first week of senior year though, his best friend John Laurens comes back from his summer-long trip to London.But something is wrong.It doesn't take long for Alex to notice John's strange behavior and all of a sudden his feelings are all out of whack.And just to add a little more spice to this salsa, something unknown is happening in the Schuyler household that is making Eliza nervous, Peggy snappy, and Angelica quiet.Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw, the universe hates everyone.So get some popcorn and blankets my friend.lamshigh school auangstfluff*trigger warnings*none of the characters are mine
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Kudos: 14





	1. welcome to my sob story, motherf*ckers

junior year

True or False: I have a crush

Hold on, let me laugh before I answer that question.

"She's so pretty, it literally makes my lungs ache," Alexander gushed, staring at his phone with a pink face. He had his legs tucked underneath his chin as he stared at Elizabeth Schuyler's Instagram with a lovestruck grin plastered on his cute face.

Did I say cute?

I sighed, leaning against my bedframe and lazily tossing my phone across the bed. This is a recurring thing that has been happening lately. Alex will come over, we'll talk a bit, then he'll get a notification, he'll check it, and next thing I know, he's stalking Eliza Schuyler's social media and telling me all about how much he loves her.

Do I listen to all his rants about how smitten he is?

Yes.

Do I die inside every time?

Absolutely.

But it's not like I can do anything about it.

You see, I'm in a sort of predicament.

I am in love with Alexander Hamilton.

But he's in love with Eliza Schuyler.

No, don't feel bad for me, it's fine.

I just like to see him happy; he's happy with pining over Eliza. I'm fine with just being best friends with him.

And I'll still be his best friend when he and Eliza start dating.

And when they get married.

And when they have a kid.

And when they have seven more kids with a nice house and three cars.

And all the while, I'll just be there, just standing around, watching as my best friend gets to be happy with the one he loves, the one who isn't me.

It's fine. I'm fine.

"Oh, my god, John, look at this photo!" He shoved a picture of Eliza and her sisters in my face and I smiled at his cuteness instead of looking at the photo. "Isn't she adorable?" He sighed, burying his face in a pillow.

"Yep," I sighed.

Alex sighed dreamily and looked at the photo again. "Jacky, I think I'm in love."

Do you hear that?

Yeah, that's the sound of my heart shattering through my ribcage.

I hear it too.

"She looks amazing in this one, god."

"Alexander, if you're going to start masturbating to her Instagram photos please leave my room, I don't want to see or hear that." I groaned.

He finally looked at me for the first time since he got here and glared at me with a red face. "Shut up!" He threw a pillow at my face and I laughed, catching it before it could hit me.

"But seriously, you're so obsessed with her, when are you gonna ask her out?" I asked in an exasperated tone.

"I don't know how I would do it! If I'm going to ask a Schuyler out, I need it to be extra fancy and special. Like a big gesture, y'know?"

"You realize that we see her and her sisters literally every day and you could easily just ask her out any time, right?"

Why am helping him ask her out?

I don't know either.

Alex pouted at me and rolled his eyes.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, that was my heart skipping a beat.

"No, John, this is Eliza, I need to do something grand and special so that she'll remember at our wedding day and we can look back on it and smile," Alex said with a sparkle in his eye.

I'm too close to breaking.

"Okay, Alex." I sighed and looked at the ceiling blankly.

I am fucked.


	2. incident #209

first week of senior year

"And I think, that there should be a better education system in the United States! Because you know what?! I leave school knowing less than what I came in with, and whose fault is that?!-"

"Mr. Hamilton, ple-"

"It's not the teacher's fault! They don't have any control over what they're teaching, they just deliver what they are told to deliver! The fault goes to the school board because I can tell you that the school board is just a room filled with old white guys who still believe that being gay is a sin and that people who have fucking nose rings are the same kids who do drugs or some shit!"

"Mr. Hamilton, SIT. DOWN." Mr. Adams yelled, trying to shut me up. Hah, good luck bitch, you started this.

"YOU SIT DOWN, JOHN, YOU FAT MOTHER FU-"

And that was how I ended up in the principal's office on the third day of school, picking the plastic off the cheep chair while humming a random tune to myself.

Mr. Washington sat at his desk from across the room, chin on his fist as he stared at me in a quandary.

Mr. Washington sighed. "Listen, son-"

"Don't."

I've been in this situation at least a hundred times before, but this is a new record. Usually, I get to Mr. Washington's office around the third or fourth week of school, but this was only three days in. I know that this is something I shouldn't be proud of, but it's kinda funny if you think about it. John would think it was funny.

"You shouldn't make this any harder than it has to be." Mr. Washington put his head in his hands.

"Oh, I'm making it hard?" I chuckled bitterly, and shook my head, fiddling with the buttons of my red flannel. "Fine. Whatever. I'm sorry for being rude to Mr. Adams, but he had it coming."

"Alexander." Mr. Washington spoke in a warning tone.

"Jesus, fine, what do you want me to say, Mr. Washington? You and I both know we've been in the situation at least three hundred times before, what do you want me to say? Should I say I'm sorry for disturbing the class? I'm sorry for disrespecting the school board? I'm sorry for telling the fucking truth?"

"Language!"

"Shut up, Steve Rogers," I mumbled, barely above a whisper.

Mr. Washington sighed and tried to meet my gaze, which was staring blankly at the carpet.

"When is John coming back, do you know?"

"He texted this afternoon but I don't know if he'll come to school tomorrow. I'll probably see him on the weekend," I mumbled.

Mr. Washington hummed and nodded.

"You can go now, Alexander."

"Thank you."

Well, I officially got through that. It was faster than last time, but then again, the last time was the last day of school of last year and I had promised that I wouldn't piss off any more teachers or students, but I think Mr. Washington knew that it wasn't going to happen.

It's not my fault people think I'm annoying, they're just a bunch of assholes.

I slumped down in a seat across from Hercules at our lunch table with a sigh, leaning my head on my hand. Lafayette slid me his grapes and I gladly popped one in my mouth.

"You get sent to Washington again?" Angelica asked as more of a statement, already knowing the answer.

"Wow, it's been three days, you beat your record of a week," Peggy said, siping her chocolate milk.

"Yep. Apparently voicing your opinions about how the education system is flawed will get you sent to the principal's office," I grumbled.

Hercules snorted. "Please, I was in the class remember? You were not "voicing your opinions". You were goddamn shouting at Mr. Adams. You also called him a "fat mother fucker", so."

I rolled my eyes and chewed on a grape.

"I'm so sorry, Alexander, Mr. Adams is an ass." Eliza shook her head and all of a sudden my attention was fully centered towards the brunette. She fished something out of her blue lunch bag and handed me a cookie. "Here."

As much as I wanted to take it, I refused and shook it away. Eliza raised her brow and pursed her lips, moving the cookie closer to me, basically shoving it into my hands.

"Take it. Peggy got like, five boxes of them at home." She smiled sweetly and I couldn't say no to that beautiful face so I took the cookie gratefully.

"Thank you, Betsey, your kind graciousness will never be taken for granted." I happily munched on the cookie while she giggled quietly.

Look at that, I'm already feeling better.

Suddenly someone gasped erratically and we all looked over at Peggy who was frozen in her spot, staring at her lunch bag with an expression close to terror.

"Guys," she gasped.

"What? Peggy are you okay?" Eliza asked worriedly. I was about to internally gush over her cute need to help everyone but was stopped when Peggy said something.

"Guys," she whispered. "It's been three weeks since I've eaten a vegetable."

Silence.

"Really, Peggy? You actually had us scared for a moment." Angelica groaned, along with everyone else, including me. Lafayette even threw a piece of bread at her, which she caught and stuffed in her mouth.

Peggy shrugged her shoulders and went back to her food. "It's true. Dad said I should eat more vegetables because all I eat are cookies and sweets and I need more nutrients or fiber or some shit."

"Holy shit..." Hercules mumbled, looking at all of us with wide eyes.

"Oh no...what is it now?" Angie groaned.

"If cows ruled the world, would they drink human milk?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed.

"Ewww! I don't wanna think about that!" Eliza laughed, throwing a wrapper at Hercules.

We all laughed as Herc made more jokes and I almost forgot about all my problems when-

"Well, I see you guys haven't changed."


	3. i do not hate her

True or False: I have a crush

Didn't I already answer this one? Was I not clear enough?

"JOHN!"

And now I'm on the floor, brown hair in my face, with a skinny human on top of me.

It's not a very comfortable position, let me tell you that. The cafeteria floor is gross and dirty and I'd rather not have the back of my head infected by whatever germs are on the floor. Is that how it works? It's not comfortable to have a human on top of me, either. The ground is cold and hard and my back is pressed against it. Oh, and despite him being skinny, Alexander is not light.

"A-Alex, I'm glad you're happy to see me...but..please let me breathe," I grunt out.

He stumbles off me and sits on his knees with a sheepish expression while I hesitantly sit up.

"I missed you," he breathes out and for a second I can imagine that he actually did miss me everyday that I was gone.

I smile at him and he smiles back.

My heart skipped a beat. Shit I'm back to where I started.

God, I missed his face. And his dreamy brown eyes. And his silky brown hair. Basically everything about him. Those three months that I was gone was torture. Yes, I did have fun spending time with my siblings, but I did not have fun having to see my father everyday. I usually end up seeing him at least twice a week because he's always working, and I am not complaining.

But who cares about my father when I can just keep staring into Alexander's eyes and pretend I'm not blushing like a love struck fool when he's so close to me I can faintly feel his breath on my face.

If only I could just lean in a little and just press my lips to his, if it weren't for-

"John! I'm so glad you're here!"

Elizabeth.

I reluctantly tear my eyes away from Alexander's captivating ones and look up to see all my friends staring at me with grins.

Eliza gets up from her seat with a sweet smile plastered on her rosy cheeks and moves over to me, sticking her hand out to help me up.

No wonder Alex loves her so much.

This girl is a sweetheart.

But I think I already knew that anyway.

I take her hand and she helps me up. Once I'm standing, she brings me into a motherly hug and I can't help but smile a little. As much as I want to dislike her for stealing my crushes affections, I can't. After all, she is one of my closest friends. I do not hate her. That would be stupid of me because hating someone just because my crush likes them is pointless and unnecessary. Despite the pain.

Alex stands up as well and I blink for a second as he and Eliza stand next to each other.

They look...perfect together.

Like an actual couple.

Ugh. Why do I do this to myself?

"John, mon ami, it is so good to see you!" Lafayette claps my back while Hercules gives me a side hug. Angelica and Peggy both give me hugs and I smile at them.

But then I see Eliza slip her hand into Alexander's.

And I see him freeze, a red tint coming to his cheeks.

And he moves slightly closer to her and she squeezes his hand.

I knew it.

They're dating.

"John, tell us everything about London!" Peggy exclaimed, ushering me to the table and sitting me down next to her.

I shake my head clear and look at Peggy, masking my pain with a wide smile as she grins back.


	4. strength is a complicated word

after school

Walking into my mother's bedroom feels slow and tiring. I follow Eliza into the room but my gaze is on the carpeted floor under me.

My mother lays in bed with a weak smile on her face as we stand next to her. She grabs Eliza and my hands and squeezes them tightly.

She looks like she has hope.

I wish I could be as strong as her.

Angelica is strong like her, but I don't think she's going to be able to keep up her tough facade for very long.

Eliza has been fidgety lately. She's usually the composed one out of the three of us.

I stare blankly at my mother's quilted bedsheets as I feel tears come to my eyes.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just...here, I guess. It's been hard to keep that cheesy smile on my face, keep the bad jokes coming, keep the giddy laughter leaving my lips, when all I want to do is yell at everyone and cry in a corner.

I blink away the tears in my eyes as I feel Eliza's hand intertwine with mine. I look up at her and give a weak smile. I turn back to my mother and kiss her forehead softly before leaving the room, Eliza right behind me.

I try to get to my room before she can get to me, but my efforts are failed when I feel her hand on my wrist. She turns me around and then I see the worried look on her face. I let out a soft breath and try to get out of her grasp but she holds tighter.

"Peggy I need you to talk to me," she says quietly. "I know we're all going through this, but we're all going through this together and if you need anything-anything at all, please come to me," she practically begs. "We can talk and we can make each other feel better."

I swallow a lump in my throat and nod hesitantly, looking down at the floor.

"I know, Lizzie."

She lets go of my wrist and I waste no time turning and going into my room. I close and lock the door, putting my back to it. I can feel her presence on the other side of the door but I ignore it and slide down the door, bringing my knees to my chest.


	5. oh look, its a new reason to despise Henry Laurens

True or False: I hate my father

Well, that's a complicated answer; my father is a complicated person. He's not too bad, but after my long seventeen years of living with him, I wouldn't call his methods for teaching me all that effective or even necessary for that matter. I don't hate my father, but he's not the greatest parent there ever was.

Take this situation, for example.

We had gotten back from London, what, like, a week ago, maybe?

Today is Saturday and my father decided today would be a good day to invite the Mannings over for the afternoon. Fun.

Now one thing you need to know about the Mannings, is that they are really good friends with my dad.

That should give you enough information about them right off the bat.

Their daughter, Martha, is a different subject. I don't really know her all that much, but every time I'm with her, I get extremely uncomfortable. I don't know if it's her family or my father forcing her, or if it's just her, but every time she's near me, she's always trying to touch me or flirt with me.

It makes me feel weird.

We're in my bedroom as our parents talk downstairs in the living room. They had come for lunch and my father had practically forced us to go "hang out" in my room while the "adults" talk without us after we finished out food.

And what do you know!

I hate it.

I'd much rather be with Alex right now.

Well that's not a fair comparison actually.

I always want to be with Alex.

This is torture.

She smiles sweetly at me as I talk, practically hanging onto my every word like her life depends on it. Her deep brown eyes sparkle as she looks at me intently while I avoided her gaze.

I can tell she is leaning in slightly, but every time she moves forward, I always scoot back a little. I'm extremely uncomfortable, but I keep talking, hoping that'll pass the time quicker.

She moves her face closer to me and her fingertips touch mine on the bed. I clear my throat and use my hand to rub the back of my neck, taking it out of her grasp. I can tell that bothers her a little but I don't care all that much. She's making me widely uncomfortable and I just want this whole visit to be over.

"So, you wanna do anything?" she asks sweetly, interrupting me mid-sentence.

"No, not really," I say quickly.

"Are you sure~?" she says quietly and my heart rate picks up drastically.

I finally look over at her and immediately jump back. Her face is barely inches away from mine and it only gets closer.

I see her close her eyes ever so slowly as she leans in, our noses almost touching and I freeze.

My brain is screaming at me.

ALEX

ALEX

ALEX

ALEXANDER

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

HELP.

YOU DON'T WANT TO KISS HER YOU WANT TO KISS ALEX.

DON'T GIVE IN TO YOUR FATHER.

She puckers her lips slightly but I just stare, not being able to move.

Fuck.

I'm backed up against my headboard with my head as far into the wood as I can possibly get it.

She just gets closer and closer and I know I'm supposed to be doing the same. I know I'm supposed to tuck a piece of fallen hair behind her ear and put my hand on her cheek and lean in and kiss her, but I can't do that. I can't bring myself to do it.

I want to tuck a piece of fallen hair behind Alexander's ear, and put my hand on his cheek, and lean in and kiss him.

But I can't. I'm not able to.

I squish myself into the headboard as far as I can possibly go and squeeze my eyes shut, preparing for the disaster.

After a few more agonizing seconds I feel soft skin on my lips and everything in my brain is screaming at me. One part is yelling at me to kiss her back, the other part is yelling at me to pull away, knowing it is wrong.

And boy does it feel wrong.

I feel weird and guilty.

It's like putting mayo on a pickle. That shits disgusting but my sister dared me to try it.

It feels like that.

I don't kiss back.

I can't do this.

I push her away a bit too harshly and get up from the bed, trying to catch my breath and sort out my thoughts.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Martha, I just-I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this," I keep mumbling that over as I pace my bedroom, holding my head in my hands.

"John-"

"I'm so sorry, I can't do it, I wish I could but I can't, Martha, I can't, I love somebody else!"

Shit now I'm hyperventilating.

I feel two hands on my shoulders, stopping me from pacing and I look up, meeting Martha's eyes. I immediately look away.

"Hey, it's fine," she shrugs nonchalantly.

Fu-

Wait, what.

I snap my head up and give her an astonished expression. "What do you mean?" I ask breathlessly.

"Eh, I didn't really wanna kiss you anyway either. You ain't my type. My dad just forced me to try to get you to like me and kiss you, cause he wants us to get married or something," she snorts and shakes her head. "I'm guessing your dad wanted us to be together as well?"

I nod in shock and she chuckles bitterly, shaking her head and crossing her arms.

"That's probably why I'm here anyway. Dads, am I right?" she laughs and I can't help but chuckle in relief.

I had no idea this would happen but there are no words to express the relief I'm feeling right now because it did.

We sit back onto my bed, the tension in the atmosphere gone between us as she lays down, her hands behind her head.

"So am I just not your type or is there something else going on? Some secret? Some secret girlfriend?" she wiggles her eyebrows but then suddenly gasps. "Or you're gay, aren't you!"

My face gets red and she grins like the Cheshire cat.

"I'm guessing you don't have a secret girlfriend cause that'd be way too hard to believe-"

"Hey!"

"You know it's true," she raised an eyebrow at me. "You also said you loved someone else. I definitely want to know, but I won't push, so you don't have to tell me. Which is cool cause I don't like you either. So we can just be friends and our dads can suck it."

I laughed, relief and happiness filling my senses.

Thank.

God.


End file.
